Weekend inspirations: God created marriage

God created marriage,

for he knew we'd need a friend.

To share our hopes and dreams with,

and love us 'till the end.

God created marriage,

to teach us how to share.

All our earthly assets,

and make us more aware;

That someone else's feelings,

are more important than our own.

And not one of us is perfect,

so we can't cast a stone.

God created marriage,

to teach us to forgive.

His life was our example,

He showed us how to give.

God created marriage,

to teach us how to say.

"I love you" to another person,

each and every day.

Written By Valerie Rousseau

Keeping the Romance Alive in Marriage

by Katherine Kehler

“Honor Christ by submitting to each other” (Ephesians 5:21).

Marvin and I have been married for over 47 years. We have lived, slept, worked, played, prayed, traveled and eaten together for that many years.

Marvin travels at least 30 percent of each year – probably more. When he is away, he calls me most evenings and his voice still thrills me. I still think he has the most wonderful smile in the world, a calm, gentle voice and the friendliest eyes. And I still love his touch.

What do we do to keep the romance alive in our marriage?

First I’ll tell you what he does to keep our romance alive, then I’ll tell you what I do to keep our marriage interesting and exciting.

He does and says kind things. He tells me many times a day that he loves me and that I am beautiful. He kisses and hugs me a lot. At night, because he knows I like to take a bath, the bathwater is usually in the tub and the room is nice and warm before I get to the bedroom. He often brings me flowers. He opens doors for me. When in a group meeting he winks at me. I know I am special to him and it still gives me a thrill.

He supports and affirms me in the ministry God has called me to.

What I do to keep our interest in each other?

I cook his favorite meals - especially after a trip when he has been eating in restaurants for days. I keep his clothes in A-1 condition so he is always ready to meet anyone. I tell him he is handsome and looks sharp. I take care of many of the small housekeeping details at home so he doesn’t have to concern himself with them. I affirm him in leadership abilities, his wisdom and discernment.

Some evenings when we are at home alone and watching TV or a video; I will put my head on his lap. He likes me to touch him and kiss him when we are alone.

In public places, a touch or squeeze on the arm communicates, “I love you!” without saying a word. When he is relaxing and has his feet up, I never walk by without tickling his feet.

We have fun. We laugh a lot.

We have spiritual discussions. Over breakfast we usually discuss what God has pointed out to us during our quiet times and we pray together.

We work at trying to please each other rather than insisting on having our own needs met.

Our love for each other is still growing and glowing. You see, romance doesn’t start in the bedroom; it begins first thing in the morning. The way you greet each other in the morning, how you treat and talk to each other during the day. Then when you go to bed, it is natural to want to snuggle.

Try some of these tips – maybe they will help ignite or strengthen the romance in your marriage as well.

Fireproof Your Marriage Couple's Kit

Fireproof Your Marriage Couple's Kit is a great gift this Christmas for married couples.

Here's the product description:

Fireproof Your Marriage will challenge you to love better, to love first and to love for a lifetime! Founded on Biblical principles, this six session in-home study is a great way for you and your spouse to build and strengthen your marriage. The Fireproof Your Marriage study integrates movie clips from FIREPROOF, along with key Scriptures, thought-provoking questions and devotionals, including concepts from The Love Dare book. The Couple’s Kit includes a six-session DVD and two Participant’s guides.

Also makes a great wedding or anniversary gift!
Fireproof Your Marriage includes these six sessions:

• He Said/She Said—appreciating the God-designed differences between men and women
• He First Loved Us—God’s love for you and how it enables you to love others
• Love for a Lifetime—marriage as a lifelong covenant
• Breaking Free—freeing yourself from temptations that can destroy a marriage
• Forgiveness—offering and receiving forgiveness
• A Better Way of Loving—unconditional love

God will help you to rekindle the flame

When you care more about pleasing yourself than pleasing your mate, your marriage is in trouble. Most marriages fail for one reason; selfishness. 'Just give me a few more months. I'll have this project at work behind me and things will get back to normal.'   How many wives have heard this from their husband when they try to let him know they need more of his time and attention? And what happens? The project gets finished and he gets involved in something else just as demanding.

Because her needs keep going unmet, hopelessness and resentment set in and she forms a protective shell. Often at this point the husband is clueless. He says things like, 'I work hard. I bring my money home. I'm not running around on you.' And then the big one: 'I'm doing all this for you.' But his wife didn't marry a business or a wage packet, she married him. And there is absolutely nothing he can do to replace himself in her life, no matter what he gives her. That's why when many couples had less, they had everything because they had each other. Now they have everything, but they have nothing. Once that hard shell forms it's hard to penetrate. And worse, the statistics of divorce prove that very few men have the patience to do it. That's when they get attracted to other women; but the flame of love can melt that hard shell. If you start where you are and commit yourself to loving your wife [or husband] all over again, God will help you to rekindle that flame.

Thanks to The Vine for this wonderful message.

Ten lies that lead to divorce

Family therapist Dr. Linda Mintle and author of the book "Divorce Proofing Your Marriage" offers a brief overview of ten common lies people embrace that eventually leads to divorce so you can do your own self-check.

Lie #1: Marriage is a contract.

Yes, marriage is a legal contract, but in God’s eyes it is much more. The truth is marriage is a covenant, an unbreakable promise. It is life commitment. It means “for better or worse, richer or poorer, in sickness and in health.” It means loving someone when you don’t feel like it, staying faithful, and working through difficulty and bad times.
Lie #2: I married you, not your family.

The truth is you don’t marry just your spouse; you get her family as a package deal! Don’t kid yourself and think the outlawed in-laws don’t matter. Your spouse grew up in a family that taught her how to be who she is today. Yes, there are other influences and people can change, but family is a primary force in the development of any individual.

Lie #3: I can change my spouse.

Wrong! The fact that she's continually late or her apartment is a mess is not likely to change because of your undying love. Pay attention to the red flags you see during the dating relationship, especially the more serious ones, such as drinking too much, violent temper, promise breaking, etc. Chances are these things won't improve but worsen after the honeymoon is over. The truth: all you have control over is your reaction to your spouse. That's the only part you can change.

Lie #4: We are too different.

Differences are not a major problem as long as the differences are not about life values and morals. Incompatibility doesn't kill a relationship. The real issue is how you handle your differences. You need compatible styles that work for both people. Some differences are unsolvable and couples need to learn to accept those. And the Bible gives clear guidelines on how to deal with conflict in a Christ-like way.

Lie #5: I've lost that loving feeling and it's gone, gone, gone!

Intense passion doesn't last forever but love can stay for a lifetime. You may not always feel love but you must determine to love your partner as yourself. The loving feeling dwindles when couples lock into negative patterns that lead them away from each other. Criticism moves to contempt and highly defensive behavior that eventually leads to emotional distance. The truth is you can restore that loving feeling with a number of changes. One is to make five positive statements to your spouse for every negative one. Other changes focus on building friendship and support. I don't doubt when men tell me they no longer feel love for their wives. I just want them to understand that loving feelings can be rekindled.

Lie #6: A more traditional marriage will save us.

Out of frustration, many men feel that if their relationship could be more like the Brady Bunch couple, life would be happier. They are confused about gender roles and responsibilities. Submission is a misunderstood and often abused concept. God's intention for marriage is gender equality. On two occasions, God revealed His will on earth concerning gender--in the Garden and in the life of Christ. Look to those examples of how men and women should interact. You will find that no matter how you negotiate the relationship, you need mutual submission, respect, honor, empowerment and empathy.

Lie #7: I can't change--this is who I am: take it or leave it.

An unwillingness to change is rooted in rebellion. It's doing things your way versus God's. To say you can't change obviates the entire Christian experience of salvation and change of heart. Yes, we are always striving for perfection but the operative phrase is that we should be striving. This requires a willingness to look at your behavior and work towards being more like Christ. If both spouses in marriage would do this regularly, divorce would be less prevalent. Change doesn't happen when you don't embrace it. You can change but it requires desire, obedience and Holy Spirit driven power.

Lie #8: There's been an affair. We need to divorce.

Affairs are serious and damaging but they are not beyond repair if both spouses agree to try. There must be a commitment to cut off the affair, a time of repentance, forgiveness and a rebuilding of the relationship. The covenant has been broken but can be restored if a couple chooses to do so. It's not easy but possible.

Lie #9: It doesn't matter what I do: God will forgive me.

God will forgive you if you repent but it does matter what you do. Your behavior has natural, as well as spiritual consequences so don't cheapen God's grace.

Lie #10: It's too broken.

If you've given up, the future looks hopeless, you've grown apart, can't manage conflict, made a mistake or whatever the problem, believe that God can work when you can't. He can change hearts, do miracles and work in the most difficult circumstances. He is the God of the possible. Draw close to Him, intercede for your marriage, do battle with your true enemy (Satan) and expect God to work on your behalf.

If you and your partner stay intimately connected to God, your marriage will reflect that intimacy. Divorce doesn't have to happen. Recognize the cultural lies that influence you and counteract them with biblical truth. No marriage is beyond the probability of divorce but you can be proactive in preventing it. It's time to improve on the divorce statistics and divorce proof your marriage.

More Marriage articles on CBN.com

Creative Dating Ideas for Married Couples

Time to share some tips for married couples. Here are 12 Creative Dating Ideas for Married Couples:

• Go for a walk
• Work on a jigsaw puzzle
• Play a board game
• Play “hide and seek”
• Cook together
• Have an overnight campout in your yard
• Participate in community service or mission
• Get some exercise
• Find some quiet space and listen to music
• Learn a new hobby together
• Fly kites
• Write poems and read to each other

Thanks to Jim Burns of CBN.com for these tips.

Surviving an Affair

Infidelity is one of life's most painful experiences in a marriage. Once trust is broken, the couple finds it hard to reconcile again. How to survive the affair is a difficult thing to do, but it is possible. You can get some insights and help from the book Surviving an Affair written by Drs. Harley and Chalmers. They describe the most common types of affairs, the reasons they begin and end, the best way to end them, and the best way to restore marriage after an affair. But most importantly, they help readers survive the entire ordeal by providing them with step-by-step guidance that minimizes suffering and offers hope for a loving and trusting marital relationship.

This book is available at ShopCBN, check it out.

6 Keys to a Better Marriage Today

Dr. Gary Rosberg and his wife, Barbara, have identified a number of key biblical principles they feel are key if a marriage is to truly be “divorce proof.” And following these guidelines will not only improve your relationship with your spouse today, doing so will also establish a pattern your children can follow for their relationship with their future spouse as well.

They call these principles, “6 Keys to a Better Marriage Today.”  If you want to strengthen your union right away, start showing these to your spouse . . . .

1. Forgiving Love -- Because of the sacrifice of Jesus Christ on the cross, all of our sins have been forgiven. The forgiving love He has shown to us is essential in a marriage. It offers a fresh start after one spouse hurts or offends another. Without forgiveness, no marriage will ever last.

2. Serving Love -- Do you know your spouse’s deepest needs? Loving him or her with a servant’s heart is the best and quickest way to find out. Serve one another in love (after all – the Son of Man did not come to be served but to serve).

3. Persevering Love -- Marriage is a marathon – not a sprint. Are you in it for the long haul, or do you have the tendency to “bail out” when the going gets tough? Persevering love sustains us through the trials of life (and trials are what makes any marriage real).

4. Guarding Love -- In other words, let him or her know that you’ll do anything to keep the marriage together (as long as its legal and moral, of course). The modern culture isn’t all that keen on marriage -- even though it’s the backbone of society. Guarding love protects your heart and the heart of your spouse from the threats to your marriage, and believe me they’re out there!

5. Celebrating Love -- That’s right – celebrate your marriage! What a gift the two of you have been given. Celebrating love equips you to maintain a satisfying emotional, physical, and spiritual connection with your mate. Celebrate it!

6. Renewing Love -- No marriage will survive if either or both spouses constantly challenge its integrity by threatening to leave. The fact is, Renewing love enables both husband and wife to regard the marriage covenant as unbreakable (just like God does). So share this gift with your spouse every day. Rejoice in the fact that you’ll be together forever -- “for better or worse!”

These six vital expressions of love will make your marriage better. They’ll also help you teach your children how to understand what biblical love and marriage are all about.

Love takes time – any good relationship does. So stay the course , keep praying, and start “divorce-proofing” your marriage by loving your spouse!

(Information taken from the book, Divorce-Proof Your Marriage by Dr. Gary and Barbara Rosberg.)

Fireproof movie

As I’ve mentioned yesterday I will have a new format on my blog and here’s my first post about the topic love and relationship. I would like to share the movie we watched last July it’s about a couple whose marriage is on the rocks. The movie is entitled Fireproof. I think many Christian churches are using this movie when they conduct seminars for married couples. Couples will learn a lot from this movie, especially those who are in the same situation.

So what's this movie all about? Fireproof is an action-packed love story about a firefighter and his wife…and a marriage worth rescuing. Divorce seems like the only answer for Catherine, a young wife whose fire chief husband, Caleb, can save everything but their marriage. A powerful challenge from a book called "The Love Dare" brings Caleb to his knees. To Catherine’s surprise, he valiantly fights to reignite the flame of passion she thought was gone forever.

Below are photos of Bishop Jonel Milan, a known marriage counselor in radio station 702 DZAS here in the Philippines. After watching the movie he gave inspiring message,  tips and advice for the couples.

This movie is available in DVD, you can grab a copy at CBN.com