Are we trying to fix our partner's problem?

'Person A was telling person B about her problems at work. Person B listened attentively and patiently while person A talked. At the same, person B was working out something mentally, which might help person A solved her problems. As soon as person A stopped talking, person B started to tell person A what she could do to solve her problems at work.' A typical scenario that can happen between a couple, family members and friends.

The questions are, "Was person A seeking solutions from person B for her problems at work? Or person A simply needed a listening ear?" There are no straightforward answers for this.

This is one common mistake in relationship which I tend to make very often previously. Usually when someone told me his/her problem, I just assumed that I was supposed to fix it. You can guess the frustration when the person said, "I didn’t ask for your opinion or advice." In my mind I was wondering, "Why are you telling me about your problem in the first place when you don’t need my opinion or advice?" I didn’t understand that the person just needed someone to talk to and at time to sympathize with his/her situation.

I have come to realize that we are not expected to fix problems always from books and seminars which I attended. From then onwards, I tried to be a mind-reader; trying my best to grasp what the other person needed. Sometimes I was right, sometimes I was wrong. Wouldn’t it be much easier if the person just tell us what he/she wants?

In the book ‘Finding the Words: Candid Conversations with Loved Ones,’ the author Susan P. Halpern cited a story:

Lester felt inadequate, he realized, when Judy aired her personal concerns. He did not know what to do or say. His impulse was to think up a solution right away. All Judy wanted from Lester was that he listen when she talked about herself. He did not need to fix anything.

Only by telling our partner what we want can the need be met. Judy realised that she only wanted to be listened to. That was it. She wanted to hear herself talk through her issues, maybe get a little sympathy, and she would be fine.

When Lester came up with his great ideas, Judy felt he was saying she was dumb for not thinking of them herself. She felt belittled and dependent. He was the only one who could fix things, she felt.

When she told him that she just needed time to talk and a friendly ear, she felt better and she went on to handle her problems in her own way. Judy had to tell Lester that she just wanted him to listen, and he learned to do just that.

In communication, we not only need to listen attentively, patiently and openly but we also need to convey our thought and need accordingly. Trying to read mind or assuming the need of another is a mistake that cause tension and conflict between a couple, family members and friends. We need to clearly communicate to each other what we want.

Do you always expect solution from your partner when you talk about your problem or most time you just need a listening ear? When you are talking to your partner, how do you communicate what you want to him/her?

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The Importance of Regular Communication and How to Achieve It

Are you a woman who has a family that includes a romantic partner, spouse, or children? If you do, your life may be complicated at best. For many women, especially those who are trying to work and raise a family at the same time, a lot of issues arise. With relationships, one of those issues is often a lack of communication. If you and your partner are currently experiencing a lack of communication, this is a problem that you will want to try and fix as soon as possible.

One of the many reasons why it important for you to have an open line of communication with your partner is due to the elimination or reduction of misunderstandings. While it is common for many couples to fight and occasionally even on a regular basis, you may be surprised to learn just how many arguments are attributed to miscommunication. By having an open line of communication with your romantic partner, you are less likely to experience these types of arguments or disagreements. In terms of your relationship, an open line of communication may actually help to keep it alive.

As important as it is to understand the importance of having an open line of communication with your family, namely your spouse or your romantic partner, you may be looking for ideas on how to do so. What you may not realize is that there are actually an unlimited number of ways that you can go about regularly communicating with your partner, no matter what the issue. A few of those ways are outlined below for your convenience.

One of the best times to communicate with your partner is at the dinner table. If you aren’t currently eating dinner altogether, as a family, this is another issue that should be addressed. Due to hectic schedules, it is common for some families to eat apart at mealtime, but it shouldn’t be happening each and every night. When sitting down to eat with your spouse or live-in partner, you can discuss important issues, like upcoming social events you would like to attend, money, or even just discuss how each other’s day went. This simple form of communication is one that can do wonders for your relationship.

Although it is important to communicate with your family, particularly your partner, on a daily basis in person, in person contact isn’t always permitted. With busy schedules, different work hours, or overtime, it may seem as if you never get the opportunity to spend quality time with your spouse or your romantic partner. If that is the case, you may feel that regular communication is just hopeless. While it may seem that way, it doesn’t have to be. If you are able to communicate with your partner through hand written notes, emails, or cell phone calls, it is advised that you do so, especially if you have an important message that needs to be passed on to them.

The above motioned tips are just a few of the many tips that you can use to help you and your partner, whether your partner be just a live-in romantic partner or your husband, keep an open line of communication. An open line of communication allows you to discuss any important issues that arise, as well as prevent other harmful issues from developing.

This article was shared to me by my friend.